I Fear Going Home

I fear going home.

I fear my fellow Malaysians who do not see me as a fellow Malaysian because of the colour of my skin.

I fear the collective paranoia besieging all sides as a standoff has been created by differing viewpoints on religion and religious freedom.

I fear that I am no longer allowed to speak my mind even online.

I fear how some Malaysians are so intolerant and unaccepting of diversity. When will they turn to violent means to shut us up?

I fear I can no longer decide what is wrong and right, what is good or bad for myself, by myself.

I fear I would only hear good news in the newspapers, not knowing the risks and challenges we are actually facing out there.

I fear leaders who play the racial card whenever the chips are down for them.

I fear the followers who respond the leaders.

I fear politicians who can’t seem to debate logically and intelligently. And who vote along partisan lines and not what’s in our best interest.

I fear those who think they are above the law, asking law enforcement to look away and yet nothing happens to them.

I fear leaders who think of nothing but themselves, squandering the wealth of the nation and lining their own pockets.

I fear I may not be protected by the law and the mechanism of law. The law enforcement agencies are underpaid and temptations abound.

I fear the lack of quality in my fellow Malaysians in terms of knowledge, skills and language mastery.

I fear the lack of opportunities to follow my dreams.

I fear the lack of opportunities for the young ones to do what they want in the life as the path to tertiary education seems so convulated.

I fear more and more will fellow Malaysians would feel alienated, discontent and turn to crime and drugs as they are left behind in progress and education.

I fear for fellow Malaysians who still cannot find a roof over their heads. Will they survive for another day?

I fear for fellow Malaysians who don’t have enough food and nutrition. It hurts to be hungry when we are supposed to be a wealthy nation, a wealth of resources at our disposal. Where has it all gone?

I fear for the Malaysian children who have to cross bridges and rivers and hills to go to school. Some have only a pair of uniform. Some will stop school sometime as money becomes an issue. How long can they sustain it?

I fear things may escalate out of control, where hatred blinds my fellow Malaysians. Divided along racial, religious lines. The widening gap between the rich and the poor. The lame rhetorics which my fellow Malaysians seem to tolerate if not accept. The distrust, stereotyping, discrimination and shortsightedness.

I fear for my home, my country.