I shall wait for you. The heart rules. As irrational as it may be.
Crossroads are hard When the time comes to move Sometimes you crash hard Trying to stop the hands of time Which way do I go? Or should I not move at all? Stay rooted in time Stuck in the moment Should I turn back? And run into the arms Of old and safe Be content and sane Crossroads are hard Lead you to the unknown Either way we trudge Is sunshine over there? The crossroads don't tell Perhaps either way Its darkness all around
A countdown to another whimsical journey across the Pacific. A series of events and circumstances, as always, to walk me through the challenges and questions which makes things clearer along the way. And you appeared. Waltzing in. Dancing through as you always love to. Making it all beautifully bittersweet, if only in my head. All I want to do is tell you it will all be alright, that you deserve so much more. And I am here to offer you my hand, my listening ear, and my arms around you, always, if needed.
Life and stories are made off layers. Saying one is simple is a either denial or lack of awareness to the depth and breadth in which your thoughts and emotions and spirituality can go. So stop saying you are a simple person.
It's funny how familiar this is. 10 years on. But it was easier the first time around, because it involved walking on from real stagnation, and walking away from a path I didn't want. This time, it is murkier. The answer is less apparent. Things are chugging along, and really, if I look hard enough and take an interest, there are many opportunities to grow. The malaise which I felt a few months ago have subsided a bit, as impact is being made, again. And the comfort of 'home' is such a tempting proposition. The familiar. The sounds, flavours and sights. The warm bed, and cost abode. The people, family and friends. The hope. Where do I change the world? Here? Elsewhere? Or really, change should start small, intimately, right here at home. Things will sure be unveiled, in time. For now, all I have to do is go on auto-pilot, and make all the necessary preparations.
Today I want to count my blessings. The daylight was gorgeous today. Clear blue skies. Clear skies. And view of the mountain range was so clear. I took out my neglected camera, and capture the beautiful sight that greeted me this morning. The test went well, despite the technical glitches. The endless possibilities. The multiple permutations. Friends. Crazy friends who go out on a limb to make sure I am alright, who stand by me and watch out for me. I owe all of you big time. Parents. They give their love in ways we may not comprehend. But it's still love. Unconditional. Upward trajectory. Always. Bumpy sometimes, but always enriching and strengthening.
Perhaps. Now it has been a whirlwind week of work, intrigue, and subsequently betrayal and the breaking of fragile trust. Instead of it being bruising, it has been liberating. Now the decisions that need to be taken are much easier and clearer. Indeed, the path has been cleared by divine intervention. There is very little to think about now. It's now all a question of timing, and certain things are in my hand. Destiny needs to be grabbed with these bare hands. Endless possibilities. Multitude of choices. Blessed with the position of being able to be free, before hunkering down again on my mission(s) in leading, teaching and creating value and substance. The motion has been set. There's no stopping now. Another adventure. Another fork on the road. Perhaps, there is such a thing as love at third sight.
It's a strange thing. Sometimes when you think you have it all figured out, it unravels, in a massively unsettling and challenging way. And here I am, standing again staring at emptiness and searing pain, and yet fully aware of the fullness of life and blessings that I have. Such is the paradox of awareness and feelings. So here I am again, wondering what's next. And as I walk onto the path of ascendancy again, this is a reminder to tread carefully. But it is also a reminder that it is ok to fall and trip once in a while, or many times. For you will pick yourself up from the pieces and bloodied heart, and stand up. And occasionally, when the sinking feeling comes, revel in it, laugh at it, and walk.
What a whirlwind it has been. Yet, some things remain. The standstill when faced with a difficult choice, and the ensuing loss. The steadfastness of friendship which I hold on to. The whole burden of doing the right thing, and living with the uncomfortable circumstances. The temptation of not doing the right thing, and the trap which ensues. Yesterday, at least, I have been reminded how it is to have a heart that beats. And how easy it is to be cut, when you wear it on your sleeves and when you leave your doors open. Yet, it is a feeling of being alive, of foolish youth, coming back with a vengeance. That familiar pain, which in the experience of age, you know is just fleeting, but remembering how it was more damning when young is quite amusing, such that you can smile while immersing in the feeling of pain. Blessed infinitely. But this is a comfort zone. Again. Time to re-evaluate this trajectory and adjust, and alter. Story of my life.