Unnatural For Me

The Gang of Four meet-up was as usual, full of jibes, sarcasm and friendliness :P It was nice to meet up after many years of not having the complete quartet. I think the last complete quartet meet-up must have been while I was still an undergrad, which is eons ago. Most of the time meet-ups in the recent past consist of 2-3 of us only. Subtle changes abound in the group. One is about to get married 'shudders'. The other is well, seemingly devoted to his after half. And another is working hard as ever, hunting but not scoring. While yours truly here can't really be bothered about anything at the moment as his life seems to be loads of uncertainty. The comment yesterday was I seem to be distracted and not as talkative as usual, no sharp retorts, no interesting out of this world analysis of situations or suggestions. Maybe it is true, I have many things on my mind, all waving, seeking my attention to be resolved.

I haven't, on my on volition, allow uncertainty in the past. If there was any uncertainty in my life it wasn't by choice. Yet, for the first time I'm letting an injection of uncertainty into my sphere. I'm allowing something to hang in the balance, with no end in sight, well, up to the middle of next year, the latest. And it is very unnatural because it is something I can eliminate. I'm taking a risk, and a risk that according to a friend taken without much calculation Resurrected style. I dislike uncertainty, I like a firm yes or no. But in this case, I'm letting it be "maybe no maybe yes, I'll find out much later but I have to keep working at it." Stressful. But I'm a willing party this time.