Sunday, May 08, 2005

Randomness On A Sunday Night

I can be a heartless callous man. The darker side threatens to run amok. I suggest I restrain myself, for fear I hurt good people. I must. Hence I cannot promise much. But yet, you do not fear me whatsoever. I fear for you.

I do realise many things can happen in the course of time. But knowing that there is somewhere I want to be helps me stay alive. It is a symbol that gives me hope. Perhaps you need to find your own too. For now, you can share mine. There is a lot space still in this dream spacecraft.

I am unsure where I should go from here. What's the use of being a shining star, when there isn't a place I can be myself? What is the use of the promises of glory and wealth, when I find no 'home' to go to? I am lost, when it seems like I have it all together. I don't know when the strings will unravel. I fear for myself.

One may ask why I hesitate. It is an honour and recognition many seek. But I sought it not for that, because recognition comes with responsibilities. I am merely a poor soul trying to find an escape route. A very lucky soul indeed. Yes, it is on merit. But I question the direction this will take me.

It seems more possible to you now. But it is beginning to drift away from my grasp. Circumstances will bring delays. And perhaps my personal life will get in the way of my promise.

I will try to keep the faith. Break a few rules, perhaps is the way for me. Just tell me if this is real, and I will wait till spring time.


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