Silly Little Voice In My Head

There is a reason I cannot yet fathom, on why you stepped into this existence. I know not whether to be grateful or to worry for my sanity. I do not know if this is transient or forever-lasting. Life was simpler really, but admittedly less joyous .I know this joy can crumble into nothingness. I still cannot imagine what role you play. But I do wish it is a leading role. Yet my intuition tells me misery and pain will come my way. That is what happens when it is only wishful thinking. All I see are doors shut close, I wonder what's behind those gates. Can you tell me to stop wishing and perhaps take action? I guess not, because it is by far only wishful thinking. Sometimes I know things ahead of time, bad or good. And this time I can see very clearly that if the door is open, I will be proven right. But there is no opportunity, chances I cannot take. Sharp cuts, not deep but papercut-like is what I get when I'm with you for I know it won't happen. Tell me it would. Tell me otherwise. There is nothing really for me to hold on to. Because no branches have been offered. It has only been wishful thinking. Yet it is so clear to me. Very dim to you. Perhaps you are looking the wrong way. Perhaps because I never showed myself. I am but a shadow of my existence. A mere fragment of the whole self, left behind in the dark corners, trying to reestablish an order in the midst of personal chaos. Do you understand?