Remembering You

What would you say now?

I remember that you were the only adult voice in the family that stood up for me when I said I wanted to do something quite out of the ordinary. Ah yes, I was young and full of fanciful ideas. For a while it was the tallest building in the world, with a pyramid roof and a mega shopping mall attached, with a world class hotel (yes, Petronas beat me to it :P). Ah then it was to be a clinical psychologist. Later, a journalist, round the world, reporting from the latest hotspots, bringing stories of humanity in crisis to the pages and screens. Would it have suprised you that now I am a young fledgling in the corporate world, trying to have ideals and fighting my way through the myriad of numbers and models and flawed humans? What would you have told me? Is this my path? You told me I should be allowed to pursue my dreams. Dreams, mere dreams now. No, I have no regrets, that I can assure you. I am just trying to remember that I am who I make this life to be.

You left us 11 years ago on this day. I remember how the news I dreaded most came. Dad was at the school gate, in the afternoon right after school. Abnormal, no one picked me up after school then. I knew it was over. Just over a week before that, I made a trip to see you. You were not conscious. Helpless, laboured breathing. I spoke to you, hoping for miracles. Did you hear what I told you? Was I selfish to want you to live? Tears rolled down my cheek.

Your two girls are doing great. They are wonderful individuals, growing slowly but surely. The lady of the house is getting along fine, her career is moving smoothly.

I looked across the road from the venue of my recent interview. It was the place you designed, your hardwork, now a landmark of a vibrant city. I passed another structure you showed me, still in infancy then, now a reality, as I eased in and out of the city.

I am doing well, standing firm, slipped a few times but got back up real quick. I now know what is happiness like, and understand new things.

But I am at a major crossroad. Both left and right turns look feasible, one riskier than the other though. I can't make up my mind. Life changing, both will be, definitely. One will cause major changes actually with a large financial cloud over my head, for a short while hopefully. Indecisive me. I can't stand it when I am like this.

What would you tell me now?