Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Cold Nights Since Sunday

It's cold and my cough wouldn't go away. Whoever told me Arizona is nice and warm needs to be shot. Back to my reading. Gosh so much to read up on, so little time. But I don't care. I'm off to bed early tonight, so that I have enough time sleeping while being interrupted by the coughing.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

My Saviors

My Saviors
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Now it's just me and them in the room. Soup is my staple for now. I hope to be back. Lots to do this weekend. The grind should start again.

Looking forward to X'mas.

Thanksgiving Pumpkin Pie

Thanksgiving Pumpkin Pie
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Luck has it I have a homecooked meal. Turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, biscuits, carrots, corn, stuffings. And the sinful pumpkin pie. Across the globe, in a house we gathered.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Reminded of the upcoming holiday by a sweet soul. Thanks! But work we must. Work it was. And it took the toll on me.


Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Hooked on hookah some of us were. Pretty apt for Mid East/Indian/African night ;)
Apple and strawberry taste. Yum. Relaxes the mind.

Makeshift Henna Parlor

Makeshift Henna Parlor
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Another weekend came. Merriment with clouds over our heads. The simulation project took too much time. Other priorities ignored.

Of Gods in Barcelona

Of Gods in Barcelona
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Drink and Be Merry

Drink and Be Merry
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Let's forget for a while.

Unplanned Gluttony

Unplanned Gluttony
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Decent food, better and good company.

White Wine

White Wine
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

A treat for ourselves in the midst of all things crazy and serious.

Looking Out

Looking Out
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Perhaps it's there, just there.

It was supposed to be Asian Cultural Night. But I remember it differently.

Looking Up

Looking Up
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

I wonder where this will lead.

Late Night Gluttony

Late Night Gluttony
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Only Apple

Only Apple
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Of we went. Witty as ever. The cynic comes out. Secrets unfolded

It Blurs

It Blurs
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

For sure.

Red Lights

Red Lights
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

For once the lights of the pub looks like home. It resonates. Drown thyself.


Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Yes, it was a cold night. Of longing. Of mixed feelings. Of friends who gather. Let's just have one drink. And another and another. Drunken stupor. But merry we were.

Cold Cold Night

Cold Cold Night
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

It has been a crazy fortnight...work, work work, party, drink, work, work, work, party, drink, work, work, work, get sick, work, work, and I am now taking a break. It all started one cold, cold night.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Will You?

Will you blame me if I do wrong? Will you understand that I mean no harm? Will you be the same to me if I had disappointed you?

I am not infallible. I am a mere mortal. I am this person. Flawed as he may be, he feels and he aches.

Monday, November 14, 2005

He Says (1)

I woke up. The dream was vivid. I had held her hand. And we were walking. She was wearing the pink jacket that I made fun of. That's my heart wanting.

It wasn't a dream when it ended. It had been real. "You are hurting me" she said. Yes I know. But it's much better if I am hurting you now rather then when we are knee deep into a whirlwind. I didn't tell you all that. I didn't know how to. I can't stand to see you hurting.

I miss her. It mattered to me. She mattered to me. Which is why I had to end it. For there is no guarantee that I won't hurt her in the future. In fact, there is always that possibility. I just know it. I loved her. I still do.

An autumn colder than usual. Walk on, I say. You and I. Really. I fell. I had to run.


on the class attendance sheet for the question on 'what's your best pick up line?' :

I like pink too!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Playing In My Head

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

- Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice

And so it has to end. Irregardless. I am sorry.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

She Says (1)

It crumbled that cold autumn night. it rained more often than not that season. As the cold breeze of the north Atlantic swept across the city, signaling the approaching white winter, I crossed my arms. I held myself. And tears rolled down my cheek every now and then. Every time I hear the music. Every time I pass our meeting place. Every time I remember.

It fell apart that wet autumn night. I crumbled. No amount of reasoning can get through the man that sat in front of me. The very same man that made me laugh, and feeling carefree this past season was making me tear inside.

I held myself, as my insides churned. "I am a deeply flawed man." Those words seem to ring in my head. The wintry wind adds to my emptiness. I can’t see why this has to happen. I detest falling and falling. What does he mean flawed? Is there such a thing as perfection?

I am now back to the humdrum life of writing and teaching. I miss the intellectual discourse. So much I have seen and heard. Yet nothing I can hold and feel now. Did it not matter at all to him?

I couldn’t see past the steely eyes when he stood up and called our meeting to an abrupt end. Unfinished wine glasses. Crème brulee order that never came.

It aches. It hurts. Can this be real? I fell but no one caught me.

7 Things

Got this from Jo and I shall oblige :D

7 things to do before I die
1. Do a non-profit career switch for a period of time
2. Live in New York
3. Live in Barcelona
4. Do another postgrad course
5. Be financially comfortable and enjoying it
6. Get nude in a nudist colony
7. Get laid as often as possible

7 things I cannot do
1. Abuse/kill an animal
2. Cheat in exams/academic work
3. Be friends with superficial people/fakers/wannabes
4. Streak
5. Give a blowjob
6. Hit a female
7. Hit a child

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. Intellectually able
2. Emotionally stable
3. Reads good books (but I would be thankful if she can read)
4. Calm and mature
5. Has passion & sensuality
6. Nice racks :P and everything else
7. Good with children especially ours (be very afraid now, this is brand new)

7 things I say most often
1. Huh?
2. Yeah right!
3. Oh my!
4. Really?
5. I am sane
6. I did not touch her, I swear
7. I am hungry

7 Celebrity crushes (I don’t have crushes per se but I think these people are hot)
1. Virginie Ledoyen
2. Gong Li
3. Natalie Portman
4. Claire Danes
5. Jun Ji-Hyun
6. Michelle Pfeiffer
7. Julianne Moore

Will pass this on to :
1. iblogme
2. Priya
3. Magic
4. nyx
5. Joy
6. Hmm
7. Well, whoever else wants to do this can proceed I guess


Your Kissing Purity Score: 49% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell...

But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Am I? Hmm......

You're a Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play
You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party
Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare
And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Cold Breeze

It was quiet night at Circuit City down Bell Road. The cold desert breeze swept across an dark quiet parking area. In the store, I browsed...looking at things I may want, getting in touch with the world of electronics and entertainment. As a picked this DVD up, the song on air change to a song that makes me feel melancholic. Two triggers, same moment. On a cold Arizonan night.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Of The Path I Took

I have decided that I like it here. And I would miss the people and life here dearly when the time comes. I may be a loner but there are many warm and genuine people here with me.

Strange how this wasn't even on my top things to do list. Being out here in Arizona was never my first choice plan. The school may not be the best I can enter and some things can be improved here, but I think I am indeed blessed in many ways.

Just a short 3 months here, and this place is growing on me already. Is this what they call the Thunderbird mystic?

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Wasted Friday

I have Data Analysis block. :P I think I should just go to bed and try again in the morning. I forgot that I did not have dinner. Shucks. I should have gone out with some people for dinner earlier. Oh well. I did manage to watch the first episode of NY's history documentary and one on Pakistan.

Good night world!

Lurking Within

Ok. I've put this together and now I think I may have to think of refining it and make it into an actual story. Hmmm.

He stared into the mirror.


He hated that sight. Of himself. Of the man he has become.

The things he was forced to do. Not so much as forced. But rather out of uncontrolled chain of events. It spiralled out of control.

A monster.

An angry violent monster. The violence of emotions and cunning guile. He remembered the purity of it all. And the rage ignited in the backdrop of a dark moonless night.


Yes, he was the master. The master of games. He played God. And they were mere puppets in his private theatre.

Theatre of dreams.

Dreams gone bad. Nightmares abound. He haunts them with promises he could not keep. Lies. All damned lies. Tantalising lies of hope, with intent of betrayal.

The power.

He had much power. Love was a fair game. He did not believe in love. Love is for the weak, he said.

And now look at him. He looked. He touched the reflection on the broken mirror. What have I become, the man asked.

There were no answers.


She sees it in him. The drive. The passion. Yet, she is afraid. Her instincts tell her that he is too good to be true.

She looks into the mirror.

Maybe I should take a chance. It may seem a but hasty, but she hasn't had this feeling of wanting to reach out for a long time. To reach out and be consumed by fiery desire.

A desire so strong, it frightens her. He can't be monstrous, can he? A man so clearly intellectual and nurturing.

She buttoned up. Blouse with buttons all the way. Always a potent tool. Three buttons undone. Or one button undone. The signals are oh no so subtle.

The buttons can be ripped apart. She shuddered. Admonished herself for such fantasies.

Fantasies can come true.

Ready to go, she told herself. She will take a chance tonight.

The broken mirror now thrown out. But memories of those dark days lingers.

He took his coat, dark brown coat. Covers from neck to mid-calf. The type one can imagine an old French police officer would wear. He closed the door behind him. And walked onto the cobbled street. It was a windy autumn evening. Perfect for a walk.

I wonder what she would be wearing. He thought to himself, vivacious girl this one. So full of life.

She brings out the protective instincts in him. Instincts he never knew he had.

He is careful. Careful of the past catching up on him. He is a changed man. The monster vanquished.

Or has it?

The tunes of an era past its age envelopes the dining area. The crowd is starting to pour in. Seeking comfort from the gusty autumn wind. Low lights. Almost as if the whole place is candlelit.

She could see him walking in. We are similar, she thought. Music from the past touch us, seduce us. That was how we met.

She can't figure him out still. She feels safe with him most of the time.

Yes, most of the time.

But sometimes she can't see past those brown eyes. That brooding nature, alluring yet confusing. What is on his mind at times like those, she wondered.


He could see her. Waiting. She's early.

This is where we first met. An old soul she is, trapped in a delicious young body. He wants her. Far more than that, she is far more than that. Genuine, earnest. Two minds met. He couldn't help but fall. But he won't tell her. It is not a risk he wants to take.

For he fears spiralling out of control. Just as he did. He fears for her.


It was a rainy summer evening when she first saw him. He was what a typical city professional, tie and dark suit. He was paying rapt attention to his business associates, over drinks and sounds from the Rat Pack era.

She hasn't been particularly interested in the corporate type, being from the world of academia. The ones she has met so far are uninteresting.

But his intensity caught her attention. Strong. His glances piercing. She brushed it off.

Then he came to her.


Another day, another deal. Or three. He was on a roll. It's good to be back.

She caught his eye. That evening. Dark brown hair. He first noticed when he heard a laughter. A laughter that makes her all splendid. And those eyes. Clear. So clear.

He walked up to her.


He isn't quite tall. A bit slight. With a small paunch. The result of a workaholic lifestyle. Oh but that voice. Clear, crisp. Commanding. She could just give in.

She would listen for hours. And he would listen for hours. Behind that stern demeanour, she found a kindred spirit. He made her laugh.


He can't get enough of her laughter. And that feminine husky voice. Sultry. God, I'll do anything for her.

A soulmate? Do such things exist? An exquisite beauty. A voice of reason. An equal. She wasn't intimidated at all. He was enthralled. And drawn towards her.

He spent hours with her. Just discourse. Sharing. He was wary of anything more.


"I am a deeply flawed man," he reasoned.

"So that's a no?" she asked to be sure.


Silence ensued.

It hurts him to do this. All he wants to do is reach out, hold her and be a pillar of comfort. But it is a dangerous desire. He cannot let himself go.

"Can we talk about this?"


"What? All this while it wasn't mutual?" aware that there is always a risk of reading the cues wrongly.

God, how does he do this? How can he bring himself to betray these feelings? He adores her. He wants to protect her. Protect.

"Perhaps I may have led you on. I enjoy your company and the interaction. I'm sorry, but I don't see it moving any further."

He told a lie. A painful lie. He wants to hold her hand.

Those were cold words. He never used that tone on her. She wondered if this is the same man sitting across her now, the same man she has fallen for. She doesn't believe him this time. Her intuition tells her to hold out. She doesn't want to believe the piercing distant words.

A flawed man. Perfect in her eyes.



Take my hand, run across the field
Hold on tight, till it yields
Trickling raindrops, what does it bring?

Friday, November 04, 2005

At 4 a.m.

I am screwed.



I just realised that I have a mountain to climb.

Of Coke and Tequila

For once I decided to take up an invitation to head down to the pub for a drink. Cardinal rule broken : don't drink on a weekday. But for goodness sake it's a Thursday! We have no classes tomorrow!

I had a good night, it's always nice catching up with friends, making new acquaintances, and bitching :P The drinks help the flow of conversation. Of course some people were slurring after just a couple of drinks.

Resurrected has no such problems. He had one of his favorite tequila coke....that distinct childlike delight he gets...the first sip is like a bite on a succulent raisin...and then it hits you with the warmth of alcohol and a tinge of cinnamon sweetness. Ah, bliss. It was this ease on the throat that made tequila coke the ultimate reason why he had taken a nap on the roadside one fine night in Sydney a while a ago. It makes him complacent about pacing the drinks.

Thursday's A Relief

I forgot my headphones again. I need rhythm to get my statistical work going. I'm now bored and listless. But the good news is I got my lazy butt out of the room and am now trying to do some semblance of work in the library. Maybe I should head over to the Commons, there I can play some music on my notebook. But it's cozier here in te library.

Was a glutton today. Food for dinner was really good. Or maybe my tastebuds have been distorted by the sometimes horrible food in the Commons. I have learnt to shovel the food into my mouth and chew without thinking. Yes, my survival instincts have kicked in.

This is the problem with not owning a car, or not even a vehicle to get around. The nearest eating places are a mile away, and walking there in the dark isn't exactly a good idea.

So I jump at opportunities like the exec dinner they have occasionally. It is held for execs that come here for short courses who may want to meet young professionals from a specific region. It's a great opportunity to exchange views on cultural and business issues with experienced professionals. This evening we discussed the ROI of a MBA, Italian corporate culture, value chain in an IT service company, difference between working in Asia and the US, merits of internal and external hiring, quality of professors here in school, declining enrolment of foreign students in the US, are all innovations technology based,.....

Well, it's fun. And food! Yes, I am pathetic. Sue me. I had Singaporean fried vermicelli, dim sum and other types of Asian food. Yum.

Ah yes, it's Thursday night again. A night when I usually say : Bring it on, baby!
I usually plan to work through the weekend, catching up on my reading and projects.

Of course more often than not, I usually fall flat on my face. But that does not matter. My excuse, it's the journey that counts.

And oh I got an unexpected A from my favorite (yes I am learning to spell the way they do here) subject. Yippee. That's after the debacle in my area of expertise of course.

And I didn't get the job. :(

Adios folks. I better get started on my work :D Free beer tonight apparently for Beer Club members.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Good night!!!!!

We are done! Damn I haven't done a single readings that I was supposed to do. Oh well. Still have a bit of time when I wake up in the morning.

Pray for me. I want that job.

Sponge Bob

Sponge Bob
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

A Halloween costume :D

Noise Pollution

The sound of the drilling in the cafeteria drowns my peace. The project, Phase 1 is almost done. Yet it feels so far. It's already past 8 p.m.

I can't hear my music!


I should have brought along my headphones.

Ok. Enough of complaining. Back to work.

Thanks buddy! :D

Halloween Mug
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

Really sweet of her. A Halloween mug! Ah yes, now I can enjoy my hot drinks (You see, lazy ass me, did not have a mug that can be used in a microwave oven. You try walking more than a mile to the nearest store :P).

Halloween Toy

Halloween Toy
Originally uploaded by resurrected.

This was my toy for the weekend :P It was fun to go grab someone and point this at them. Yes, I went nuts.

On Halloween Day

I suspect some important choices will be laid down on my table, again. I love confusion. It makes me all panicky inside while giving the impression that everything is under control. Well truly, most things are under control. Those that cannot be controlled, who cares?

I had a good run over the week. Some fruitful discussions on the future. Looking forward to getting news soon. And on a trailblazing roller-coaster ride it should be, as soon as I know the variables.

Ah life such joy.

I've been a lazy boy. The weather is nicer now, so there is no more excuses on why I cannot get my lazy butt of the chair/bed and go workout. Yes, I need to get fitter. I do not want a repeat debacle like my last hiking trip. I was overambitious and overextended myself.

Days here are a bit strange. It gets dark by 6 p.m.. Arizona does not practice day light saving. I'm still 15 hours behind home.

Innocence is charming. The inquisitive, and earnest approach. Much more refreshing then guarded optimism. But as we found out, it isn't always nice and dandy. Sometimes it helps being a bit more conscious of one's limits.

It's Halloween today. But no adventures tonight, there is a project to complete! Onwards to situational analysis!