Innocent Exuberance

I grew up believing. I believed that my country is a benevolent parent who gives unconditionally. I loved listening to the national anthem, the slow unadulterated one and given the right moment, I truly loved.

I grew up in a mission school, in the grittier side of the city. I had friends where the colour of your skin did not matter. We had role models whom dispensed discipline and education regardless of whom we were, yet awareness of the cultural differences are always taken into account. We got curious, we asked, we found out. We played together, formed cliques that did not look racial at all, we were always one. We grew up together under the same umbrella of faith and hope, of the politically-correct side of the world.

We were confident of the vision laid out oh so nicely to us. By 2020 we will be at the top of the world, the place to be, a not-too-small nation role model to the world. And nobody will be left out. We were a juggernaut so unstoppable. The nation was truly confident and we all walked with a skip in the stride.

But it was a castle of cards, built on pretense of grandeur. Form over substance.

As we lost the innocent exuberance of our childhood, we saw things and slowly the belief faded.

I still want to believe. Do you?

And It Is Midnight

A gathering of people from the past, it has been a while, this boisterous loud argumentative crowd. But how things have changed. Married with kids. Engaged. Et cetera. The timing of the dinner was an early one, and by a quarter past eight, it was time to leave. These are peers and juniors. It's a bit surreal to see them in their daddy roles. Someone made a remark that the table would have to be double the length 5 years from now....I wonder if that's gonna be true.

I rarely meet the married/engaged/madly deeply in love ones (and that's most of them) nowadays. Of course I get admonished for being so-in-love with what I do. And a colleague wishes that I get over the work is more important than the girl phase. But as time goes by, it gets harder to reconnect with friends as everyone move into their respective micro-lives which require a lot more attention, time and commitment. And the thing is, everyone seems so contented, so sure that this is the right and best thing to do. To move from just mere love into a life-long dedication. Yes, I believe in taking my vows seriously and which is why I am ever-cautious because I would like to make it happen and work for a long time, a life-long love of my life. Idealistic, still.

I wonder if I have what it takes to play daddy. Does it not scare you, to have a life (or lives) in your hand for which you have sole (joint) responsibility for? And that every word, every move would impact the mind/heart of the child.

Ah National Day...I hear it on the TV. This year is low-key. Deep-down, I wish we can be better, I wish we can move on and I wish I can have a better place to build a family right here at home.

Hot Rain

And so it rains, on a Saturday afternoon. Not running around on a Saturday is a bit peculiar to me, but I guess being stuck at home due to the car being in a workshop for the day isn't so bad. I actually spent time reorganising my wardrobe and came to the realisation that I have very little smart casuals and not enough work-out clothes. And I have too many t-shirts. It's good to know what you have.

I guess it's very easy to lose track of things, lose track of life as you hurtle across the great expanse of time. 4 more months to the man-made year end, and somehow things don't seem very different. The passage of time has been fast-tracked somewhat and I have no idea what has happened. The only things that give some indication are the archived emails and the appointments on the laptop. That is somehow rather sad, sometimes, as there is much to savour and remember in the time which we have spent. Time is really all we have.

Need to grab destiny by the scruff of the neck.

Reminder to self

Stay hungry. Stay foolish

.....trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future
.....trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever

The sun sets on another day
The dawn yet to come by
In the night folks pray
That blessings will not dry

Sleep a little sleep
Let dreams sweep
Away the hollow so deep

Sleep a little sleep
Days ahead for us to tread
Rest well, peaceful in slumber

For Good

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

For Good, Wicked