Leaving Soon

With mixed feelings, I will leave London soon....in another 5 hours my flight will depart. It's a sunny beautiful morning today, as I clean up the flat one last time.

What will autumn bring this time?

Sweet memories of a summer, wandering around the streets of London, Amsterdam and Paris. Little excursions in Bath, Bonn and Bristol. How time flies....my first summer in Europe.

An Evening in Windsor

Nyonya, Notting Hill

Of Language and Blogging

A few days ago, there was a ping on PPS where the author complained about bloggers who attempt to write proper English but come out wrong.

As much as I can't stand the English language being butchered, I really don't mind bad English on blogs. Self expression is personal. And if the person chooses to use English as medium, I respect that regardless of his or her proficiency. I reckon nobody's perfect anyway.

Mere Mortals Us

Heard from a friend that a common acquaintance of ours is in his 'final stage'. Apparently things have gotten worst, the deviant cells spreading across the lungs. Past 3 chemotherapy sessions failed. She tried contacting him but can't get through, so she isn't sure what's the situation like now.

Now, How Do I Pack?

I have to figure out how to pack my laptop into my hold luggage.
1. Should I use bubble wraps and towels to wrap it up?
2. Should I keep it in my laptop backpack and then squeeze it into my luggage?

Any other suggestions?

These mindless people who caused this disruption are terrible. Keeping fingers crossed that all this will die down very soon so that I can fly back to school peacefully.

Year of Weddings

It's like wedding season ever since I decided to leave home. Let's see:

2005:
1 ex-schoolmate one year older, December.
1 ex-schoolmate same age
1 friend, not sure about her age but mid-20s
2 undergraduate friends, both a year older, one male (ex-housemate), the other female

2006
1 ex-schoolmate same age, early this year. Used to be a cry baby when we were very young.
1 undergraduate friend, one year older. Roomate for 3 years. This November
1 undergraduate friend, one year older. Sweet girl. End of this year
1 undergraduate friend, same age, close friend of mine. Gonna miss her wedding this November. Sorry OL!
1 undergraduate friend, same age, debate teammate, not unexpected. Congratulations!
1 ex-colleague, probably end of this year
Cousin, one year older
Assortment of a few ex-schoolmates and friends either younger or same age getting married...I've lost count. Can see the change of status and pictures on good ol' Friendster.

I am sure I missed out some from the above list. Too many to keep track of. Ah, all the missed weddings and missed opportunities to meet people I haven't met for ages.

I don't know about you, but I think I may end up having more married friends than single ones soon if this trend continues. Why do I feel so 'young'? I mean, I am so not ready for anything like a marriage. I salute all of you brave souls.

As for me, I am avoiding all this for a long, long while.

I am not dissing marriages. I respect those who choose to get married, and wish them all the happiness. But when it comes to my personal opinion, I am not too sure if we are all being conditioned to believe that is it only natural to get have a partner, get married, have 2.5 babies, a nice SUV and a double storey home in a good neighbourhood, shop at the hypermart for groceries enough for to feed some starving refugee somewhere in the world for one month, water the blooming flowers on the frontyard, engage in bonsai pruning, walk the German shepherd, work for your next promotion, and all nice things surburbia brings into life. Gosh I can't see myself doing all that. I am sorry, I really can't. I tried. I mean, I even try tried driving a respectable sedan fit for a family of four and lots of luggage, for a while. It was nice and comfy but I still tried to pretend it was a fast old retro racer by trying to overtake the rest of the respectable sedans on the road.

I have dreams. I like living in a flexible, mobile way. I think I may just be too selfish for marriage.

Caught Offguard

So, I was having a conversation with this friend of mine. She grew up in Shanghai, studied in France and the US, and now working here. I was explaining to her the political system we have in Malaysia and the Chinese diaspora in South East Asia. Inevitable was the explanation on the NEP measures, the education system (matriculation, STPM, quotas, streams), housing discounts, etc.

And the she caught me off-guard with this question:

“Are you a citizen? I mean, do you hold a Malaysian passport?”

I answered, “Yes I am Malaysian.”

Yet, I know her innocent question was not without foundation. She must have found it hard to understand the compromises and the inequalities we have lived with. She must have found it wildly surprising that we do not have some of the things she equated with of being a citizen of a country.

It's funny to hear an outsider's perspective, especially when it is an honest and innocent observation.

I Fear Going Home

I fear going home.

I fear my fellow Malaysians who do not see me as a fellow Malaysian because of the colour of my skin.

I fear the collective paranoia besieging all sides as a standoff has been created by differing viewpoints on religion and religious freedom.

I fear that I am no longer allowed to speak my mind even online.

I fear how some Malaysians are so intolerant and unaccepting of diversity. When will they turn to violent means to shut us up?

I fear I can no longer decide what is wrong and right, what is good or bad for myself, by myself.

I fear I would only hear good news in the newspapers, not knowing the risks and challenges we are actually facing out there.

I fear leaders who play the racial card whenever the chips are down for them.

I fear the followers who respond the leaders.

I fear politicians who can’t seem to debate logically and intelligently. And who vote along partisan lines and not what’s in our best interest.

I fear those who think they are above the law, asking law enforcement to look away and yet nothing happens to them.

I fear leaders who think of nothing but themselves, squandering the wealth of the nation and lining their own pockets.

I fear I may not be protected by the law and the mechanism of law. The law enforcement agencies are underpaid and temptations abound.

I fear the lack of quality in my fellow Malaysians in terms of knowledge, skills and language mastery.

I fear the lack of opportunities to follow my dreams.

I fear the lack of opportunities for the young ones to do what they want in the life as the path to tertiary education seems so convulated.

I fear more and more will fellow Malaysians would feel alienated, discontent and turn to crime and drugs as they are left behind in progress and education.

I fear for fellow Malaysians who still cannot find a roof over their heads. Will they survive for another day?

I fear for fellow Malaysians who don’t have enough food and nutrition. It hurts to be hungry when we are supposed to be a wealthy nation, a wealth of resources at our disposal. Where has it all gone?

I fear for the Malaysian children who have to cross bridges and rivers and hills to go to school. Some have only a pair of uniform. Some will stop school sometime as money becomes an issue. How long can they sustain it?

I fear things may escalate out of control, where hatred blinds my fellow Malaysians. Divided along racial, religious lines. The widening gap between the rich and the poor. The lame rhetorics which my fellow Malaysians seem to tolerate if not accept. The distrust, stereotyping, discrimination and shortsightedness.

I fear for my home, my country.

Crazies

I think this place has a policy of employing insane people. Or they became insane after working here. So there is this guy who talks to himself in the toilet and along the corridors. Sometimes he gets so agitated, I get afraid of being suddenly hit and clobbered by angry him. There is another one who has a daily ritual of changing in the toilet at around 3 p.m.. That’s fine. But he takes his time, and occupies the whole area in front of the two washbasins. And he really takes his time doing all this dressed only in his briefs. It’s disgusting and he ain’t exactly a pretty sight to behold.

Summer Days

On a Saturday, in a little flat, the sun shines through the little edges of the window. A new day, a weekend at that, in this bustling city. Three piles of laundry wait at the corner. Separated by function and fabric, more than by colour. Coins into the slot and of goes the purring washer. A merry walk downstairs to the shop around the corner, weekend edition of FT in hand, a happy boy marches on. An errand at the bank, a morning smoothie to quench the thirst. Coins into the dryer next, and playing truant online he goes ahead, akin to pulling a girl’s hair at the playground.

Late lunch at a place with ponds and fountains. And walk on and on he does with his companion for the day. Shopping is the name of the game. A Burberry raincoat he will not buy, regardless of the logic being attempted on him. Only a student he is now. A functional pair of shoes, more formal looking than usual should be enough. By the road he sits, diet Coke not coffee. No coffee so late in the day for him. A veggie delight crepe for dinner. And another round of laundry he does. While watching the flat idiot box on the wall, fascinating story of the movements of people into this country.

I make not much sense. The green lines of MS Word are all over the place. But who cares. It’s carefree summer days. In a city delightful for the summers.

Along The Winding Path

One last season. I look forward to it. Yet I dread it, especially the end.

First Morning in London

was a cloudy one.

On The Road, Summer '06

Trip to Tuscon. Also to test my mental readiness for long distance driving, after that unfortunate incident early in the year.

I've Made Up My Mind

Sort of. I don't think I'll be joining the Maui trip. The timing just isn't right as I have paid my rental here in London up to the 29th August. It would be too tiring to fly out immediately and by then already missing out on the more exciting parts of the itinerary.

Instead, I'll stay put in London, try to string a few interviews with some boutique firms, explore the UK a bit, rest and relax.

I've narrowed down my city of choice for my 31st August weekend plans. It's either New York or San Diego, and I've emailed people to find out a bit more before 'pricelining' it.

Have fun in Maui guys! I will see you when school starts!

Did I stumble upon the X-Men?

:P Somewhere in Germany

British Museum

Museumplein, Amsterdam

Rijksmuseum in the background
Open field
Serenity in the crowd
Van Gogh Museum
An area of museums, as the name suggests

Evening in Amsterdam

Grote Markt, Haarlem

Aggression

There is a side of me which I have not revealed for a long while. Well, not since early last year. The serious, please do not mess with me, please get your facts right, please do not lie, please just do your job attitude; which also brings about words with double meanings, polite and professional, yet subtly telling the whole world about the inadequacies and inaccuracies of claims and reasoning made by others.

Ah yes, will the real Resurrected please stand up!

Shared this with a friend over dinner yesterday. She found it strange how I have this different ‘personalities’. In school, I am laidback, quiet and pretty much relaxed (she met me in school). Maybe aloof sometimes, but generally friendly.

It’s a bit frightening to remember what can happen when I am aggressive. Not very nice. But then again, it’s the aggression where the drive comes from. Now that I am having my pseudo vacation (school and internship), I don't really want to return to the corporate persona.

For now, I’ll just return to being the nice intern. :P