Independence?

The clock inched towards midnight as the two cars raced down the dark parking area, 11 levels,turning right and right. 50 years. Young one may say. A minute away the radio announcer said. Gemilang Malaysia.

People by the street,waving flags. Do they feel? Fireworks off the ground. A long day, another day of battles.

I came home after much debate, fulfilling the duty which I said I would 3 years ago. To return home to serve. Yes, I am serving, all 70-80 hours a week of my life.

But would it pay off? Would home turn out for the better?

I don't know.

On the 50th anniversary, I felt a dreadful tinge of melancholy. Of the innocence lost. Of the things we can do better. Of things we shouldn't have done. Of lost trust. Of hope. And fear of disappointment

Of unrequited love. My home country and I.

Ending The Week

It is a wind down today, a change and respite from the craziness of the past few weeks (past few months). Well, there is dinner at 7.30 to go to, a farewell for a colleague. Nope, this is not an attrition for the team, just someone leaving for personal reasons.

Looking forward to sleeping a full night, waking up early to run errands, and taking it easy the whole weekend. A few hours of work and reviewing some stuff, that is about all I’ll do.

One of the silliest things about Malaysian telcos is the need to bring your passport to the service centre to activate international roaming. This is really bodoh. Why the hell do you care if I have a passport or not? This is just extra work. Are you going to pay for my time and parking? Especially my time, it is damn precious to me.

So I guess I have to wake up early, go to the service centre and activate roaming. Urgh. Stupid.

Next week is going to be a compact, crazy and challenging 4 working day week.

Urgh, received a stressful email. This wasn't what we discussed!

Rainy Days Can Be Cold In The Tropics

I think I don’t have anything that matches the corporate tie. I think I will just not wear it until, well, until when I feel like it.

The sky is dark grey, I can see the raindrops falling heavily onto the transparent roof. Water streaming down the gradient of the sides. The sound of rain, without the smell. With Sinatra into the ears.

Some short traveling to do next week. Meetings. People. Quick drop off, do the job and get out. Well, this is expected but still, the hectic schedule and the uncertainties can be dealt with better. If only I have more experience.

Was told that I will grow with all this, to another level in terms of managing people and uncertainties after this, in seeing the big picture. I reckon I have always been the big picture kinda guy though. It is the details I was not great with, and which is something I have worked on consciously, that now I am supposedly superior in this kind of analysis.

And it is getting colder in here. I need food. But I can’t get out of the building.

The Trouble With Love

Is just another song on my playlist, playing into my ears as I type this note. Tears you up inside. Apparently that’s what love does. But what is tearing me up is this darn model that is just so, so difficult to move around. Insufficient data is such a pain.

I swear I will never love again. Love wasn’t worth the pain. Oh pain. I hate it when things aren’t moving fast enough especially when I think I can make it move and when I think I am the problem or obstacle.

Everytime I turn around I thought I got it all figured out. Dynamic deal this is. I am just gonna ride, crash and burn and get victory.

Take shortcuts. Be smart. Be damn smart.

Bad Listener

The briefing is so boring. Nothing new, nothing exciting. But I missed something. Urgh. Did not listen close enough.

I should never tune out like that.

Monday Aftermath

You know when someone has no content not just by looking at the person and let him or her speak. I mean calling someone an idiot just on impressions won't be fair, no? But when after a few hours, and you realised the notepad is barely scribbled on, you can confirm you did indeed spend a few hours with an idiot with no content.

My brains are pulp. Need to sleep. Long day ahead. Oh how I relish each day with its idiosyncracies and people who give my heart a workout (nope, no nubile young things but idiots who drive me blood pressure up. Nubile young things do exist but I am too busy to notice. Even when they wear tight trousers that confirm that they do not have much of a butt).

Secrets and Knowing

He knows. She does not know that. Yet. If ever. The searing pain across the chest, with heart pounding as he read. Betrayal. It must be still etched in her mind, that man, whoever he is. The date may be 2 years before but why is it still kept. For posterity?
And the communication is still happening.

She knows. She knows she has to cut it off. But he is persistent. And yes, her heart pounds as she reads the messages. The smell of this man, she cannot forget. The flowers set her aglow. No she must not. It was in the past and the pain she still can remember. There is no such thing as returning to that path. Yet, the heart pounds.

Sleepless Saturday Night

Urgh. The quality of work of I have been receiving is so, so bad. I cannot stand incompetence. Not when it is repeated. I cannot stand it when after I have shown how it is done step by step, and one only has to repeat it, it is still wrong. And the speed. Oh my. I swear I can do all that I asked for in a couple of hour. The whole evening and night, it was still not finished. Simple instructions! The task was not even demanding!

My ulcer. Urgh.

Look, as much as I like to coach and give opportunities, I expect certain level of quality.

Now, how am I suppose to not re-work all this? Must think fast but it is late and I should sleep. Will wake up early to deal with this. I had only wanted to work on the slides, not the damn charts. So much for managing people and doing more value added work.

It is so hard to find good help.

The Sunday Hours

Mornings to nights. Days into weeks. Time waits for no man is a cliche I grudgingly have to surrender to.

Loving it but tiring. Things are never constant. Perhaps except for the updates daily. And the horrible traffic. Say, is tomorrow the start of the school holiday? Hmm, maybe I don't have to be up too early.

Long days ahead. Challenging. Daunting even. But here I am, game.

Bring it on.