Someone Wrong Loving You Right

Hmm, it's a real cliche to say you love something or someone so much till it hurts. It hurts perhaps because of an unsuccessful venture or unrequited love.

What if someone wrong loves you right? Better than someone right, loving you wrongly?

Urgh. Life should be simpler.

Anyway, having been on both sides of the equation of the former, I can say there are different angles you can look at, questions to ask yourself.

If you are the wrong person loving someone the right way, ask yourself if it's going anywhere. If you think chances are you will be hurt, I won't say cut your losses. You can decide to hang on for a time period too and work at it. I've seen that work out in some instances. And when I say work at it, I don't mean stalk him/her :P. I mean try to get to know the person better. See if your instincts were right about the person. You could have been clouded by deep infatuation, or plain deadly lust :) Let him/her know you better too. Let him/her know you care and that you think this can work out. And when you decide to take such a course, don't expect anything. He/she owes you nothing.

If the wrong person is loving you the right way, ask yourself what is it that you can't accept. Is your judgement clouded by pre-conceived notions of that person? Could it be you are recoiling at the idea because you never expected it to turn out this way? Or do you have unrealistic and very fixed list of criteria? Get to know the person behind that intention. Perhaps there's a hidden gem. Of course, you owe him/her nothing. One should not feel guilty about it.

Monday thoughts

Monday. Yes, it's Monday again. Yes, again. Filled with dread, wondering what sort of boredom will befall me this week. Or what sort of disaster may erupt in my face. Monday. Joyful.

It doesn't help that I have no eye-candy to appreciate at work. :P Ah the joys of working for a company filled with old(er) people.

I don't normally socialise with my colleagues. With the the exception of a few. Most people here are married with family. Well, I did go for a housewarming cum Deepavali open house last Saturday night. Come to think of it, it was the first time I attended any social gathering with colleagues involved. Well, I have a wedding to attend 2 weeks from now, my partner in crime (at work that is :P) is getting married. She's 23. So that will likely be my second social gathering involving colleagues.

It really doesn't help that most of them have a spouse (or 2 :P) and some with kids to boot. I was the only one that walked in alone. And as usual the questions were asked. And I just love answering, in front of their partners, 'Oh, I'm not into living in dungeons' or 'Haha, why would I want to imprison myself like you?'.

And it doesn't help that I'm on a different wavelength with them. I can't discuss the latest books I read with them. I can't go into a discussion on Japan's role in East Asia this century. I can't ask about the concept of natural justice versus codfied laws with them. I can't learn from them, much.

I can of course talk about suburbia matters, sometimes. Such as housing loans. Or cars (but not the economics of our automotive industry though). Or the state of education in our country (but not the role of student politics, or relevance of the national-type primary schools).

And there aren't any, yup, you read that right. Not a single young person I know in the company have the same concerns as I do. Or the same interest. I know enough to talk about their concerns or interest. But I'm careful not to say too much, I was told it can be overwhelming :P They probably think I'm weird anyway.

I'm not saying those concerns or interest are below me. Most of them are nice people. Of course I do think about my ability to buy a home or my lack of dates (none at all actually :P) at the moment or football. But there's so much more to life. There's some much more to it than bringing the bacon home and watching TV. Or so I would like to believe. Fool's paradise some say. But I refuse to be shackled by norms. I want to find myself. My voice. My dreams. And it won't be only be the Malaysian dream of 2.5 kids, a MPV and a double-storey link house and a steady job with good medical benefits.

It is about finding what I love. About searching for a cause I can give myself to. It is about passion. And it's going to be a long, exciting journey :)

For now, I gotta search my phonebooks for my next, long overdue date :P, if any.

Import Duty on Cars

Apparently, the prices of cars will not be lower next year even with the lower import duty for ASEAN made cars (40% content made in ASEAN and assembled in ASEAN). There will be other ways to impose tax, just like they did for this year with higher excise duty.

The reason given is because the government does not want to lose revenue. Wow. I though the barriers to entry for foreign made cars is to protect our car industry. I didn’t know it was for revenue per se.

Obviously, some people skipped their economic class. They forget that with cheaper cars, there will be a higher level of disposable income to spend on other things. Worth billions of Ringgit mind you. Traders of other products will have better profits, more sales. Perhaps a huge chunk of this will be Malaysian made products. Car distributors will have better profit margins and sales. Better margins because they need not worry about prices being too high. And better sales because of the lower prices. More tax to pay with the profits. Revenue for government gained. People can buy better homes with the extra money. And hopefully buy more books. Better quality of life, obviously with higher disposable income. I don’t have hard figures to show you, but my point is, our economic policies shouldn’t be so myopic.

Weigh this against the artificial survival of our carmakers. It seems like the right impetus for them to get their act together, to take the opportunity of a freer ASEAN market. It won’t be so easy for Proton to die. It has 2 huge plants. The assets are worth something. If they can’t make their own cars, they can always do contract manufacturing or joint ventures ala Perodua-Daihatsu alliance. Our automotive parts manufacturers will have a bigger market to sell to. If we are inefficient, we just have to admit it and work on it. Not moan and groan and go against the spirit of the free trade agreement we signed. That’s bad faith. We can’t afford that in an interlinked free market.

Hypocrisy in ASEAN

It’s funny how a bunch of political activists and NGOs can send a letter of protest to the Thai Royal Embassy in Kuala Lumpur last month and can stage a protest in front of the said embassy. Wonder if they had a police permit to do that. Wonder if these very people have ever protested about the impoverished situation of the Orang Asli community. Wonder if they ever protested about how there are still people in Malaysia with no access to basic necessities and education. Wonder if they will protest for the people of Jinjang Utara that have been stuck in longhouses beside the largest open rubbish dump in KL, long forgotten and living in small one room units made of think planks. Wonder if they will protest if there is cases of alleged police brutality.

Wonder if they protested against the slavery of ethic minorities in Myanmar. Oh, wait, they did say something about the Rohingyas more than 10 years ago But not the Karens. Hmm, is it a coincidence that most Karens are Christians? Did they ever protest the brutality of the Indonesian armed forces in Acheh? Or the very recent killings by the army in Irian Jaya? Or in the past, did they protest the systematic and vicious persecution in East Timor, after the illegal occupation by Indonesia? Oh wait, these were same people that stormed a meeting (APCET II) in KL like a bunch of hooligans when there was a discussion on East Timor. They did that in the name of non-interference policy in ASEAN and good brotherly relationship with Indonesia. That’s good. But why are they not doing the same for the case of Southern Thailand? Has there been a change of policy in ASEAN?

I think Thaksin, as petulant and childish he may seem for threatening to walk from the ASEAN summit has a pertinent point. Why would ASEAN be interested to find out more about the situation in his country and the steps his government has taken to handle the issue? It seems to me like a drastic change in principle. Yes, granted we share a border, and have every right to worry about the violence so near to our homes. But in terms of consistency in ASEAN, shouldn’t we be raising our concern bilaterally and perhaps privately with them, and not in an open forum like this? And shouldn’t we be minding our own business and just strengthen our border patrols and immigration checkpoints in to check for insurgents slipping through our borders?

If we want to find out more about South Thailand, we also must find out more about Acheh, Irian Jaya, Mindanao and Myanmar where violence is present. I’ve never been a fan of constructive engagement in ASEAN because it is not consistent. You obviously can’t change Myanmar by talking or trading with them. God forbid, we are buying things made by the prisoners and slaves of the junta there. They haven’t changed a bit, it has been more than a decade since the last democratic election. Admittedly, democracy isn’t a criteria in ASEAN. But I’m sure ASEAN does not mean to be associated with political persecution, slavery and senseless violence. And looking at ASEAN’s query on Thailand, that seems to be true. However, again, ASEAN is being inconsistent by not dealing with similar situations elsewhere in the region.

So where does ASEAN stand?

I personally feel that Myanmar should be sanctioned as much as it may hurt the people there. I feel Thailand owes it to its neighbours to bring peace back to its country. I believe Indonesia must stop using violence to rule. I believe more can be done for peace in Mindanao. Perhaps we can engage each other for real, constructively rather than having it as a lip service. The world views ASEAN as one.

Amnesty : Warning! - Xenophobic Rant Ahead

Amnesty? Amnesty my foot! Why are we behaving like some sort of benevolent nation giving amnesty to illegal immigrants and foreigners who overstay? And there is this country that has the gall to ask us to extend the amnesty. Please, take care of your own borders, and don’t let your bad management of socio-economic conditions spill into our country. We are already being kind.

I say we should confiscate all their money (earned illegally mind you and tax free) and deport them and bill their respective countries for the cost of feeding them while in detention, rental of the detention centre per head (with premium for opportunity cost), time cost of our personnel, transport cost, et cetera. Or perhaps if we shoot them, we can charge ammunition cost. We can even have a game show to see who can shoot the most illegal immigrants within a timeframe. And we won't run out of supply for the game show since there are millions of them. It may prove to be the longest running game show in Malaysian history. What about their children? Boys grow up to be men. And girls grow up to be women. Kill them before they can avenge.

And for those who employ the illegals, perhaps they can join in the game show as bonus point targets too. That should be a strong enough deterrent. As for the agents and those who have cooperated in letting the illegal immigrants set foot in our country, we should make them walk on (walk, no running) 100 metres of hot coal and the one that finish the course the fastest should be shot in their kneecaps. The others will continue, till all their kneecaps have been blasted by bullets (there will always be someone that finish the fastest every round :P)

But seriously, granting amnesty to illegal immigrants is futile. They will be back. In fact, it is much better for them as they can have a safe passage home to a heroic homecoming. Once they have had their holiday and the economic reality of their home catches up with them, they will leave for Malaysia or some other country again, seeking fortunes they cannot earn at home.

The influx of illegal immigrants is a national security threat. It is a threat because it shows that our national borders are not well-guarded. It shows that we can’t control the dependence on illegal foreign labour. Illegal immigrants are not screened for diseases and criminal records. This is the third amnesty programme. We look like fools. An amnesty is supposed to clear a substantial number of illegals, and it obviously has not reached its objective.

Like it or not, we do need immigrants in our workforce. This county was built on mass migration. And it continues needing foreign labour as development outstrips our human resources. But we forget, uncontrolled migratory inflow brings a host of problems in terms of housing, social control and unity.

The irony is, it is so easy for them to get PRs, fake or real but so hard for Malaysians and spouses of Malaysians with skills to resettle here. Or even foreigners with actual skills, they can’t hope to get a PR here. What sort of policy prevails in our country? We want to be a ‘knowledge based’ economy and reduce dependence on labour, and have higher productivity, yet we cannot attract the right people to do this. Look at Australia, with a population less than ours, yet their GDP is so much higher. And look at their immigration policy. I need not say more.

Immigration needs more control. It needs to be transparent especially in terms of criteria for admission into Malaysia. And let’s be honest, corruption at all levels need to be weeded out. It’s real hard to explain how fake ICs and PRs can be obtained or how easy it is for illegal immigrants to slip through and live in our country. It’s all about integrity and enforcement.

Let’s see what the authorities can achieve come January 2005, as they say they want to crackdown on illegal immigrants. And why January, shouldn’t it be ongoing? And isn’t prevention a lot easier to do, looking at how we have such a gargantuan problem at hand now?

Sharing

If you have the means, do drop by MPH bookstores, pick up a card or 2 from the Christmas tree, buy a book for each of the underprivileged youngsters you picked out. MPH will gift wrap it and send it to the youngster for Christmas.

But I do wonder, if it's for charity, why does MPH still charge us full price?

When Brendan Met Trudy

I watched When Brendan Met Trudy, screened for the EU Film Festival at GSC Midvalley. It was an interesting movie. I liked it. But it was marred by this warning from the management that some parts of the movie may be blocked out to adhere to rules and they apologise for it.

Some parts of movie were blacked out, not snipped, but just plain pitch dark screen. What was the objective? To protect the morality of a group of men and women, adults mind you, from scenes with nudity? Gee, as if we've never seen nude people. Someone commented out loud "Know I know why we pay only 5 bucks".

And the movies was playing when blacked out, you can hear the sound. Maybe it is to encourage to use our imagination and come up with our own sex scenes using the sounds of copulation in the movie as stimulus. Or is there a contest for us to act out the scene in the cineplex ala that karaoke with movie thing?

And at least 2 of the sex scenes were vital I believe, for us to see. To understand the connectivity of some later scenes.

For goodness sake, people have sex. People have sex. What the bloody hell is wrong with these people? There are people having sex right now at this very moment when I'm typing this. And right now when you are reading this, someone is riding someone else. God grief. It's the damn reality of life. The people of the censorship board probably have sex or nay, I think they wank, after watching movies that we apparently, shouldn't be watching. Urgh, those bunch of deprived wankers. Please do not spread your misery to us. We want plenty of good sex, thank you and we get plenty of good sex whether or not we watch censored movies. We will have sex regardless. And wank all we want.

No kids were going to attend these EU Film Festival thing. Now I know why it was rated U, no nudity. But the sound was there! It shouldn't be rated U (suitable for all viewers) because I wouldn't my children to listen to such scenes. It is very misleading, the rating I tell you. It is gonna be very hard for parents to explain the sounds if they were any kids. It is definitely a better idea to rate it as a movie with some nudity. And let us decide if we want to watch it.

Other than the cheap prices of VCDs and DVDs, the other big reason and I believe this is the reason many of us subscribe to, the pirated goods thrive because of censorship. Because censorship insults our intelligence. And in the same vein, because of the proliferation of pirated VCDs and DVDs, parents lose control of what their children watch as the vendors have no legal obligation not to sell to children. See what irrational, holier than thou censoring does to society?

And I read somewhere, making movies in Malaysia is such a pain because of the many censorship rules that govern filmmaking. And these rules aren't only about nudity, but about politics, animism, 'misleading portrayal, et cetera. It is little wonder why our creativity is stifled. However, the rules are more lenient on foreign films.

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On another note, the writer A. Samad Said was there too. I have ran into him a few times, usually at Kinokuniya. The thing is, I have never read his work (I think). I've seen his son perform though, he is a guitarist. Pretty good.

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If you want a quiet place for a meal in Midvalley (other than San Francisco Steakhouse which cost a bomb for 'not that fabulous' steaks), try Mr Ho's Fine Foods on the lower ground floor. Quiet place, food is decent and affordable. But no dessert though. It's non-halal. Serves pork burger (didn't try that, yet) and BBQ ribs and sausages, among other things.

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Saw two really cute miniature schnauzer. Greyish black. A young couple were contemplating buying one. They looked like nice people. When the shopkeeper tried to take out one of them from the display cage, the other pup was holding on to his/her friend. The staff had a hard time extracting the puppy out of the cage. It looked as if he/she didn't want to let go of his/her companion, didn't want him/her taken away (sibling perhaps?). The same thing happened again when the second puppy was taken out, the first puppy was holding on to him/her for dear life.

It was heart-wrenching. It was as if they knew they were going to lose each other.

I wonder if they will remember their companion, doggy-years from now, reminiscing the companionship in that display cage.

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And about the movie, it was a nice romantic comedy, peppered with typical Irish wit. The transformation of Brendan (I shall not reveal too much, in case you want to watch it) looks realistic, well, the things we do for love. The ending was a bit outlandish but nevertheless fun. The message I believe, is, acceptance is the key to love. Anyway, good fun, a movie not to be taken seriously, at all

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I observed that I wasn't the only person trawling the mall alone. In fact, the person having lunch at the next table, a lady with gorgeous dark curls was lunching alone too. So were the four males on my left hand side in the cineplex. They came alone, arriving at their seat one by one. And many more were walking on their own, some shopping, some window shopping, some looking lost, some looking as if they were in deep contemplation. Has KL become a lonely city? Hmm, looks like I'm not the only one that enjoys solitude.

Standards

....are not supposed to be set in stone. The key, at the moment, is realistic standards. Not lower, but just high quality and attainable standards, given the constraints of resources and opportunities. Constant improvement and review of standards lets us get in touch with current realities and future possibilities, aided with experience of the past.

And that will be my aim, review on my standards and make it realistic, without compromising my ideals. That I believe is key to my life's issues.

Date Rape

Date Rape Prevention Seminar

Date : 20th November 2004 (Saturday)
Venue : Wisma MCA, Jalan Ampang, KL
Time : 1.30-5.30 p.m.

Speakers :
1. Ho Yoke Lin from All Women's Action Society (AWA)
2. Amelia Kaur from Spycatcher

If interested, call Carine Wong at 016 2319880 or the MCA Secretariat at 03 21618044.

Source : The Malay Mail

Panic

Oh no! It is Tuesday already! Exactly 6 more days. Must fight laziness. Must not get distracted, smelly people or otherwise. Must study. Must pass exams. Concentrate! Concentrate!

Bunny

My honey bunny ran away
From the hot pan she jumped away
My recipe was dip and fry
Till crisp and dry
Why did my bunny weep and cry?
I only want not to be hungry
Why my bunny does not want me to be happy?

Note : :P No, I do not eat bunnies. I can't bring myself to do that. Wrote this while fiddling with the phone

Poisoned Heart

Broken glass
Wine spilt
Broken vows
Rings split

Careless love
Intoxicating
Callous heart
Poisonous

Bring me destiny
I show you the fate
Downfall will be mine
And yours too

Embraced too tightly
Gasping for breath
Happens with time
Without fail

Everything's transient
What's everlasting?

A White Lie

What's the real difference between a 'normal' lie and a white lie. Isn't it a lie all the same? Isn't it a distortion of truth anyway you put it?

Can distortion of truth be justified on the mere assumption that it won't hurt or it would make the parties involved feel better? Can a white lie make the issues go away? Wouldn't it be better to resolve the issues?

Perhaps therein lies the problem. Resolution may not always be in the best interest of ourselves. Leaving a problem/issue as it is means less hardship anyway.

So when was your last white lie?

Rainy Sunday Afternoon

The French Chicken Burger is good (Burger King's)

Movies to look forward to after 24th November 2004 :

1. 2046 (yes, the time waster is back :P. Love the imagery by WKW)
2. Shark Tale (apparently, I need to lighten up)
3. Alexander (Angelina Jolie!)
4. Umizaru
5. The Forgotten (I love Julianne Moore!)
Hmm, can I finish all that before the Christmas releases?

Am looking forward to the EU 2004 Film Festival at GSC MidValley as well, will probably choose one or two to watch.

Exams in one week's time!

23/11/2004 : Afternoon - Business Taxation
24/11/2004 : Morning - Financial Reporting (IAS)
Afternoon - Management Accounting (Decision Making)
Evening - Freedom!

Praying hard that I pass all 3 papers.

Slow Progress

Slow but surely. Made a slow start to the day. Stuck in the photocopy shop for a long time. Plus the fact that I was feeling rather lazy in the morning.

However, I'm happy to say I've mastered the consolidated balance sheet (sans currency translation, I'll touch this tomorrow). Now I shall try to finish up the consolidated income statement (sans currency translation and complex group and disposal).

Hopefully, I can competently master Financial Reporting by the end of tomorrow.

Distracted

My double caffeine fix is not working. I feel bloated. I must finish these 9 areas of financial reporting by tonight. I shouldn't be here blogging. But I feel a bit lost. So now trying to gather my mushed brain and stuff it into the jar.

Onwards to intangible assets!

I shall march with fortitude. Even when my legs are unwilling.

Yasser Arafat 1929-2004

Dear Mr Arafat. Rest in peace.

Freedom fighter or terrorist? It doesn't matter now. But he will always be remembered as the face of the Palestinian struggle for nationhood. Should he have conceded some ground to gain some land in the Camp David talks 4 years ago? You and I can't say much, we aren't in his shoes.

With his death, Ariel Sharon may have lost his excuse for not wanting to discuss peace with the PLO. But it seems like he doesn't want to talk anyway even with Arafat's demise.

Will there be no end to this charade?

Time Hasn't Changed Anything

Yesterday 15 years ago, the Berlin Wall fell. 15 years ago we thought the world will be a better place soon enough. We were dead wrong.

The icon of progressive communism under Tito, Yugoslavia, that multi-cultural haven is now not recognisable. Torn apart by irrational hatred. The promise of reform in Soviet Union brought by Comrade Gorbachev is gone. Instead we have former-Soviet states that are antagonistic to one another. We have lives lost in Chechnya. And corruption grew more rampant in Russia after the 1991 coup which heralded democracy Russian-style. And we have unaccounted nuclear and smallpox stockpiles.

We have had 2 major wars in in the Gulf since then. Wye River and Oslo Accords failed. Arafat is as good as dead by now. Rabin murdered in broad daylight. The peace effort ended in Camp David four years ago. Deadlocked. Intifada is burning Jerusalem and Palestine. Same story 15 years down the road.

Closer to home, Mindanao is still in turmoil, even after a peace accord with the effort of Ramos back in the 90s. Now Abu Sayyaf and splinter groups of the MNLF reign terror. Southern Thailand is brewing again after nearly 20 years of relative peace. Achehnese are still being mistreated and murdered. Thank goodness East Timor is free now. But Irian Jaya isn't. We allow the Myanmar junta to lock away the landslide victors of a democratic election and we still trade with them. Constructive engagement isn't working here obviously.

China is growing in importance. But I can never forget Tiananmen. And I do not trust her ambitions. North Korea is still belligerent, but now is it the son that's doing the deed. Afganistan is still poor, and uncertain. No different from the times of the mujahideen fighters. Now it is the Talibans and Osama's merry men. We now have a terrorist network more far-reaching than ever. And the worst thing is, we have a hawk for a Vice President in the US of A, who ironically was never a military man and never fought in a any war. And his side-kick, the President is hell-bent on unilateral actions. They refused to ratify the Kyoto Protocol showing complete disregard to the environment. Well, Australia pulled out too, suprisingly. They made the world a more dangerous place by pulling out of CTBT and the ABM disarmament programme. And they invaded a sovereign country.

From father to son. From optimism and possibilities to a long violent, uncertain road for humanity

We haven't improved much in 15 years, have we?

Intellectual Snob

Intellectual snob. Yup, that is what someone labels me as. She didn’t do it in a malicious way. She was just trying to put a label to my behaviour in social settings. It is a fact. I have no time for small talk, or meaningless parties and I have no qualms about it. I can carry myself well, when there is need. And I can let my hair down when I feel like it. Thank you very much, I am not as socially inept as one may think.

I think I am known for being particularly discriminating when it comes to whom I choose to hangout with. I don’t have a wide social circle but I think quality counts, a lot more.

It is normal to want to interact with people on the same wavelength. I also tend to veer towards people that I can discuss issues in a logical and sensible manner, who offers fascinating insights and who can understand what I say and vice versa. Some form of common ground usually helps, but not a necessity.

Language used to be an issue. Now it isn’t anymore as I find myself communicating and making good friends with people not exactly fluent in English. Some people also use to insinuate that you need a certain level of IQ to be friends with me. Not true. Intelligence has nothing to do with one’s academic ability or how much you know. In fact I find some of these wannabe intellectuals really annoying. Be yourself, for goodness sake. Style with no substance, your cover will be blown soon enough. Like I said, I prefer to interact with people with sense and sensibilities. And a good of sense of humour is well appreciated. Someone that’s comfortable with whom they are.

But at the end of the day, what matters most is how genuine and sincere the person is. This quality tend to overshadow the rest, such as intelligence and language. My favourite person at the moment is exactly like that, honest and genuine, no hidden agenda. So are most of my friends.

Remembering A Friend

It has been two years. In her memory, I'm posting something I wrote which I shared with my friends then.

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I was wishing that it was just a bad dream. That when I wake up everything will be alright. But that is not to be, for I'm obviously awake and in reality now.

You read about all sort of incidents in newspapers and magazines. Never once you would think that it will hit so close to home. Hit so close to the heart. You would never have thought that it will happen to a dear friend...whose dreams are lost forever just like that.

When my handphone rang with Eng Song's name flashing on it at 8.50 p.m., I found it strange as he rarely called. And the tone of his voice trying hard to break slowly to me, I knew something horribly unthinkable had just happened. I broke down. For the first time in many years, I lost control.

It is unimaginable. People who are kind and lead a good life do not get hurt, we were told since we were young and that God will protect them. Where were You, oh the Almighty one? She was the only person I can honestly say has never hurt or harmed anyone, not a single bone of hatred in her. Yet You let her bones break and her flesh bleed.

Dreams shattered. Not of only an individual but for her family...and for those who love her dearly. A few weeks ago, she was debating which car she should buy for her and her family...a car that can fit all five of them. Her mom likes the Kenari but she was thinking about an Iswara as the Kenari looks ugly in her eyes. It was joyful to hear her speak so animatedly as I know it was a tough semester before this juggling work and thesis. No matter how hard it was, she was always determined to make it through, for a better life for her family. Her dreams of a new home is no
more.

The last email from her, she said she would try to answer my phonecalls more often and that she thinks she should try to take a 'slow dance' through life. But now she will never answer our calls again.

May she live in our memories as long as we have memories. As a person without hatred. Full of kindness. Always giving and putting her family and friends ahead. May we live her spirit of enterprise and determination and honesty and innocence. Of strong character and love. Gentle and always with a loving smile that brighten our days.

Lui Meng, rest in peace.

' SLOW DANCE '

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"hi"

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

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Note : This was written in November 2002. The 'slow dance' she referred to is this forwarded poem (source unknown) I included in the above note.

Some People Are Just Pain

Email received from pain in the neck of the office who has nothing better to do. Wonder if it is because appraisal & bonus is near :

Dear All,
At 10.41 am today I went to the Pantry & found the tap running.
Such carelessness is wasteful not only in monetary terms to the Company
but to the environment as clean water is a very precious & diminishing
natural asset.
So I appeal to everyone to exercise more care & ensure that you turn off
the tap properly and completely after use.
Thank you for your cooperation.

************************************************************************

Draft email for me to steal the thunder from pain in the neck :

I went to the pantry and found the lights switched on. There wasn't anyone there. I now order all of you to make sure the lights are not switched on when no one is in the pantry.

Petroleum prices are higher than ever before, reaching a peak of US$ 55.30 per barrel. More than half our electricity comes from petroleum based power plants. We need to use less for the sake of humanity and our children and children's children.

Those not switching off the pantry lights should not have children because they do not know how to be responsible for the future generation.

If we don't comply, we all will die and it will be the end of the world when we run out of petroleum.

Thank you.

It Is Not Even Lunch Time Yet

In accounting, S$ 0.43 can haunt you for the whole morning. So can missing
cheque books courtesy of your stupid colleague.

The sort of nonsense I have to stomach in the first 2 hours here. And it
is far off from lunchbreak still. Wonder what sort of antics I will get in
the next 3 hours. Urgh, I wanna go home early today. I don't want to have
dinner at 10 p.m.

Hmm, I'm getting hungry. Must be all the angst.

Note to self : Get a life, soon.

It Is Not Even Lunch Time Yet

In accounting, S$ 0.43 can haunt you for the whole morning. So can missing cheque books courtesy of your stupid colleague.

The sort of nonsense I have to stomach in the first 2 hours here. And it is far off from lunchbreak still. Wonder what sort of antics I will get in the next 3 hours. Urgh, I wanna go home early today. I don't want to have dinner at 10 p.m.

Hmm, I'm getting hungry. Must be all the angst.

Note to self : Get a life, soon.

More Bloopers

Colleague : There is a phonecall for you, from the external auditors
Me : Ok

Picks up the phonecall.

Me : Who is that?
Auditor : It is me Norisa
Me : I don't know you.
Auditor : You don't remember? I was the one that asked you about *******
Me : Oh. I didn't get your name when we met. What do you need?
Auditor : I need to know ****************************.

I felt like whacking myself on the head with the phone. Her name is Melissa. Not Norisa you nitwit. What's wrong with my ears? I hope I didn't sound rude to this young attractive female :P

Who Is Sam?

Message from Celcom :
"This is a courtesy message from Samantha to inform you of his/her new mobile number 019*******.TQ"

Thoughts that crossed my mind :
1. Who is Samantha?
2. I swear to God I didn't touch her
3. I don't know who Samantha is
4. Hmm, I don't remember hitting on any Samantha. In fact, I haven't been hitting on
anyone. 'shudder' Have I lost my touch?
5. Maybe it is one of those people I know by their Chinese name, but I do usually
know their other name.
6. Hmm, wonder if Samantha is good-looking and intelligent
7. I like the name Samantha. I can call her Sam. Other names that I like are
Josephine (Joe), Katherine (Kate), Jessica (Jess), ah whatever lah.
8. Your girlfriend need not know that Joe and Sam are actually attractive
females
9. Is Samantha older than me? If she is, it is a plus point.
10. Who is Samantha?

So I sent a SMS to the 'new number' :

"Hi Samantha. I received your message. However, I doubt we are acquainted. Perhaps you misdirected your msg and may wish to redirect the msg to the correct person"

The next day, I got the exact same SMS from my friend.

Me : So you are Samantha?
Friend : Yes

And I suddenly remembered. Her name is Samantha **** **** ***. Yikes! I only had her Chinese name. So much for my brainpower.

And yes, some questions were answered. Samantha is reasonably attractive, intelligent and older than me. And no, I have never flirted with this Samantha.

There Is Always A First Time

I was late for work this morning by 15 minutes. This is the first time I'm late for work. It has been over 3 years since I started working.

The reason I was late is due to an out of the ordinary traffic jam. I left as usual at 7 a.m. and this would enable me to reach office by 8.00 a.m.. Work starts at 8.30 a.m., so I have a 30 minutes buffer.

There is usually a crawl on a short stretch at the Karak Highway-Jalan
Kampung Bandar Dalam traffic light heading towards Jalan Sentul. It is usually a 10 minutes crawl for a distance of roughly 1 kilometre. I was perplexed as it took me 35 minutes to clear the traffic light and another 15 minutes before I saw the reason for the traffic jam. It is usually smooth sailing after that traffic light.

By sheer coincidence, 2 Intrakota buses were stalled at the same spot, heading to different directions (it is a narrow old road). Cars had to manoeuvre onto the roadside and squeeze past the 2 buses. Now how often can this happen?

The point is, how on earth did the buses breakdown? It goes to show our buses are badly maintained. This isn't the first time Intrakota buses break down, it has happened often enough to warrant us, the public to question the ability of our public transport service provider. Maintenance is a major weakness in Malaysia, from buses to machines to roads. We seem to lack the culture to keep things in tip-top condition.

Rainy Nights

I love rainy days only when I'm safely at home. I got caught in the thunderstorm and my shoes were drenched. And my feet has brown markings courtesy of the dye from the shoes.

Anyway, it is still raining cats and dogs. And I just finished some work for the office. Yeah, I work even when on holiday. That's a part of me that refuses to go away. But it is simple and mindless work anyway :P so it is quite alright. Tomorrow hell shall be unleashed upon me at work, will be working at breakneck speed trying to get things out fast. Faster than usual I hope as I do not wish to stay on late too often with my exams looming ahead.

Funny how events that were so recent seem like the distant past. Ah but sometimes the past catches up with me. Just like how I was suddenly melancholic this evening after doing 5 Business Taxation questions (which is a little miracle :P, like I said I'm gaining momentum, at last). And when it grips and holds you, the past I mean, you began to wonder about all the 'what ifs'. And questions are asked. And answers reiterated. Or answers may change, a bit or totally different.

Memory gets distorted with time. I think looking at the past may result in rose-tinted viewpoints. The bad and ugly conveniently censored. But then again, the distortion can be that of seeing only the bad and ugly. So what's my viewpoint at the moment? Well, I think I am still quite clear (I hope) and not delusional about it. More questions arose though as to the interpretation of events. But sadly I can't ask the questions because I rather not set off another round of questions. More questions, more headaches.

Anyone wants to catch Alexander? Yum yum Angelina Jolie. I wish I was her brother :P

Gonna make myself a hot drink and go to bed. Yup it is early but I have a long month ahead.

Random Thoughts

It is a brand new month! November 2004! Wow! I got through most of the year. This is going to be my toughest month this year, juggling demanding a work schedule and and 3 very difficult subjects in school. Of course, having come out (almost there) of a 6 months low period, nothing fazes me anymore.

I'm stronger than I thought. I've always known there is a huge reservoir in me that's untapped. Yet, I've only just begun to learn how to utilise my inner strength. Strange, considering how everyone thinks I'm already so driven. The truth is, I've never given my full effort in most things, except for, sadly, a short debate career.

Constant review is what bogs me down. Now, I've adjusted my constant review to be a process that doesn't mean constant halt. You see, I must review and reflect, it is ingrained in me to analyse (some say over-analyse) issues in my life. Too much analysis brings paralysis. And indecisiveness in some instances. It is very frustrating when that happens. So, I'm adjusting the way I approach issues.

I still however, maintain that compartmentalising issues and problems and locking them away is an acceptable solution, as unhealthy as it may sound. It works, for me.

I am now awaiting replies from 3 sources for what will be my next adventure. New job or postgraduate? I'm quite ready for both actually. I hope a new job will mean 2 weeks of break in December before starting work again though. Ah one has the right to dream :P As for postgrad, everything boils down to money, money, money. I hope I get enough grants to enable me to afford it.

I have exams in about 3 weeks time. And I really, really want to get through this time. Yes, I may be crazy in signing up for 3 tough subjects, but when I pass all 3, it means I would be in the final level next year. Wish me luck! :)

I shall keep the momentum going. I've gained momentum the past few days. And I shall be ready come exam time.

60 days to 2005. Wonder where I would be at this time of the year in 2005. New Haven? Hanover? UK? Malaysia? Bangkok? Phoenix? The possibilities are endless at the moment as nothing is firm yet.

I shall keep going strong. I will pass all 3 papers this time.